Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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