She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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