She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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