Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
