She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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