I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
