Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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