so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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