I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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