It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize