i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
