Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
