So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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