I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
