battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
