She is in my trunk
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize