if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
