someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize