no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
