A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
