Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
