Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
