I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
