Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
