So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize