I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
