My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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