plz talk dirty to me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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