The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
