Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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