Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
