At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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