She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
