i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
