drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
