remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
