my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
