4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
