I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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