Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
