Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
