Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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