Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
