Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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