around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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