i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize