At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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