Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
