Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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