remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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