My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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