I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
