Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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