ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
