Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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