soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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