I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
