Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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