After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
