Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
