the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
