dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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