the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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