just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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