i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
