I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
